Self pity may get you sympathy at first, but if this is a repetitive behavior, don’t be surprised if you lose friends along the way. When you’ve become the black hole for energy, people will avoid you like a plague. No one wants to be surrounded with sadness, and no one can take a whiner for too long a period. You have yet to meet the person who never struggles with frustration. This comes with the territory of being human. It is not wrong to be frustrated, but it is how we handle our frustration that counts.

One of the most effective ways to change how you react to negativity is to change how you see it and what you do about it. Self pity is a shortcut to the path of destruction. When you give in to depression, you are basically saying that you don’t have it in you to solve the problem. In fact, you are just aggravating the situation. You yell, curse, and cry, yet the problem still remains unsolved.

On the other hand, a more productive solution would be to view frustration is as a chance for improving your abilities to solve the problem. If you get frustrated, try to have an outlet. Go talk to a friend, visit a specialist, or pound that hammer away in your garage. You need to let it out and find a way to express your explosive emotions rather than keep it locked inside. If this is your constant practice, expect the dam to break sooner or later. Instead, ask yourself what the possible solutions are. The thing about self-pity is that if you can’t get others to feel sorry for you, you can always just feel sorry for yourself.

Pity parties are always a party of one because no one wants to be on the guest list. Just know that when you catch yourself in this state, you tend to lose perspective. You lose sight of the big picture and will be unable to spot the solution that may just be right under your nose. When you are too caught up in your problems, you’ll be too busy to even notice the faintest flicker of hope.

You must find ways to bounce back. Be the victor, not the victim. Life is a marathon, and your goal should be not to win it all the time. Instead, you need to focus on your running and learning not to quit. Instead of making excuses on your failure, you must learn to get back up and let your creative juices flow so that you can achieve what you want most. Have a worthwhile goal, one that deserves a spot in your loved ones’ minds. If your life were a book, let it fall under the inspirational category.

An absolute presupposition a statement that is considered to be unquestionably, inarguably genuine. One cannot imagine circumstances under who it would be false. “Two plus two equals four” can be a statement of that kind. Another would be “Throw a ball up in the air, and it will fall back to Earth.” Absolute presuppositions are statements you have to accept for the world to make sense.

However, we sometimes mistakenly think a statement is an absolute presupposition when it is not. In fact, I’m going to suggest that when you are encountering an unusally tough problem in life, whether in business, the arts, sports, your personal life, or whatever, it’s probably because you are believing something to be an absolute presupposition that really isn’t. Let’s look at a few instances of this crippling people.

In the Middle Ages most people believed that if you sailed a ship out to the horizon then you would fall off what edge of the earth. Why? Because folks considered the Earth to be flat. For them, a round Earth was in simply inconceiveable. “The Earth is flat,” was an absolute presupposition. Yet, we know today that it wasn’t true at all.

Similarly, at one time it was thought to be impossible to run a mile in less than four minutes. This was an absolute presupposition for centuries. Yet, it was shown to be untrue when Roger Bannister did it. After Bannister, many runners have beat this time.

You and I today also have beliefs that are similar to “The Earth is flat” and “It is impossible for a human being to run a mile in under four minutes.” These beliefs are what hold us back from our greatest potential. It is time to question what we take for granted and wonder about what is really true. By identifying such beliefs, and by examining how we might break free of the constraints they impose upon us, we can begin to make incredible progress in all we want to do.

Think of a time in your life when you achieved something you really wanted. Did you doubt it would happen and believe that you could not achieve it? Or did you have a solid sense of knowing that it would happen and doubt never entered into your mind?

It was the second wasn’t it?

When Richard Branson set up Virgin Airways, did he sit in his office and wonder if it would ever work? Did Bill Gates sit in his office wondering if anyone would want to buy his Windows product? They may have done for a little while, but they did not let these doubts rule them. They knew their plans would work and that they would be successful.

When working to achieve your goals, you need that unerring sense of confidence and lack of doubt in yourself. You must Know it is going to happen and that you will succeed. We are not talking about thinking you will succeed, believing you will succeed or knowing you will achieve your goal. They are all intellectual forms of Knowing, Knowing with a capital K; that solid feeling in the pit of your stomach that you will make happen and you cannot fail. Expect it to happen and know there is no other way. It will happen. This Knowing gives you drive and commitment to see you through to the success of your goal.

But how do you get this feeling? One of the best and most effective techniques is visualisation.

You currently use the power of visualisation, probably without even realising it. Have you ever run through what you are going to say to someone before you have the conversation? Or seen yourself in your mind giving a presentation before you give it?

That is the power of visualisation, and it is very potent. You can use it not only for your goals, but for any aspect of your life. Visualisation is something most people are unused to directing. You will find initially that your attention will wander, but you have to pull it back to the task at hand. It is similar to building a muscle up through exercise – it takes time to strengthen it.

The exercise for visualising your goals is very simple, and is as follows.

1) Select the goal that you wish to work with

2) Picture an image of this goal in your mind

3) Visualise yourself attaining your goal. Use all of your senses – touch, hearing, sight, smell, and taste. Really feel your success with every fibre of your being and Know that your goal is as good as achieved.

4) Hold this image in your mind for a minimum of 10 minutes – remain focus and positive. Challenge any doubts that rise and replace them with positive words and images of success. If you get distracted or your mind wanders, bring your focus back to your goal.

You can also hold this successful image in your mind as you go about your day to day business. Keep the image there and focus on your success. You get what you focus on – and if you focus on achieving your goal, then you will get it. Visualisation is a method of programming the subconscious mind for success.

With some goals you may want to keep them private. If you are trying to get fit and your friends know you have been less than energetic in the past when you tell them your goal, they will laugh and joke and not believe you. This doubt and disbelief can affect your belief in yourself and in your goal, which in turn can lead to failure to achieve the goal.

It is hard enough to overcome our own doubts and worries without having to also overcome those of the people around you. Keep any goals where you may be influenced by others to yourself and let the people around you see the successful end result.

Affirming Success

Another method for achieving your goals is to use affirmations, which means you repeat your goal again and again to yourself. This is another method of programming your subconscious mind, which is the source of all action.

An affirmation is a sentence or two that is written in a positive language with definite targets and timescales. A bad affirmation would be “I want to lose some weight.” Your subconscious looks at this and since there is no timescale it will not leap into action. There is also no definite target so your subconscious does not know what to aim for. How is “some weight” defined? It is 10 pounds, but also 1 pound and also just 1 ounce.

A good affirmation is “I want to lose 10 pounds by the end of this year.” This sends the right messages to your subconscious. It knows that you exactly how much you have to lose (10 pounds) and when this must be done by (the end of this year). You know precisely what you have to do and when it has to be done by.

If the goal is to lose 10 pounds by the end of the year, we need an action plan to get us to this goal and to make it happen. In this case the action plan may be to reduce our chocolate intake and increase the amount of fruits and vegetables we consume. The action plan is made up of a series of milestones. For example, if there are 5 months until the end of the year then our milestones would be to lose 2 pounds each month.

Little Steps

You may have a big goal such as “To have an income in excess of £100,000 a year by the time I am 35” (notice the goal is specific in both the timescale and the amount and does not put an upper limit on your earning potential.)

This goal can be very daunting to look at, perhaps even enough for you to give up and not strive to achieve it. To overcome this, you break your goal down into a number of smaller, more manageable steps.

Any large goal can be broken down into a number of sub-goals, which can then be broken down even further if necessary. Each of the sub-goals has an associated action plan with it. Using our income goal from above, sub-goals could be to understand taxation, to understand investment, to start your own company, and so on.

Smaller goals are easier for you to handle, and help you to stay on course to your main goal. You also get the satisfaction of regularly having successes and achieving goals, which does wonders for your belief in yourself.

All of your major goals and their associated sub-goals and action plans need to be regularly reviewed – ideally daily. This ensures you remain focussed on your goals and instantly know if you start to drift away from your target. It allows you to adjust your goals and action plan according to whether things are working quicker or slower than planned. It also prevents you from repeating actions and carrying out tasks that are not necessary. It keeps the goals in the forefront of your mind, and does not allow you to forget about them.

Achieving our goals is something we all want to do, but it involves work. Rarely will they be given to us on a silver platter by a servant on bended knee. This Colorado Springs Counselor can help you with this process. Achievement requires Knowing, drive and commitment, combined with careful and meticulous planning and a firm belief in ourselves. With unwavering belief and commitment there is nothing that you cannot achieve. Everything and anything is within your grasp – if you are willing to make the commitment to achieving it.

Step Number One

Spend some quiet time and write down exactly what the change or changes will be and why you want them, this is the first crucial step towards achieving goals.  At this stage, write only what it is you’d like to achieve and why.  The ‘how’s’ and ‘when’s’ can come later.

Step Number Two

This step too is very important, and it has everything to do with you accessing a state of inner peace.  The peace I write about has little to do with listening to relaxation music, essential oils in a burner or harps playing (though they can help).  Achievement of your goal requires having peace through a quiet mind and inner calmness regardless of the chaos around you and how long this chaos reigns.

When you have this (peace) you’ll have greater clarity, your creative self will make itself known, you’ll gain foresight into how you will achieve your outcome, focus, and negativity will have minimal impact.

There are individuals who know how to step into the state of peace; however others may require some gentle guidance.

If you find achieving a peace state challenging, there are 5 options listed below that may help you:

1.    Find yourself some quiet time when you know you’ll be undisturbed and paint, draw, write, or map out all you can about your intended outcome.

2.    Embark on a meditation program that will teach you a selection of meditation techniques.

3.    If you’re willing to be coached, find yourself a reputable personal coach who can help you work through limiting beliefs and help you discover what your values are.

4.    Seek out a mentor.  This would be someone whom you admire, is inspiring, motivating, and successful, be available to you and who is a fundamentally positive, peaceful and calm individual. This could be a Colorado Springs counselor like myself.

5.    Embark on a spiritual development program.

The world of alternatives is huge.  To find something you’ll be happy with may take a little research, start by asking friends and family members to point you in the right direction.  If they’re just not into that kind of thing it may be wise to broaden your search through the internet, books, and/or other members of your community.

Step Number Three

This important step is about gifting yourself with a fresh outlook on life.

Looking at things in a totally different way and from a new angle will give you a more global perspective revealing greater possibilities and may be achieved by:

1.    Asking parts of you what is important to you, each time you receive an answer continue by asking why that answer is important.  When you can go no further ask yourself “how can you change this issue?”  This may sound a bit strange, however from experience this works.

2.    Transformational Coaching. You can look at Colorado Springs Counseling.

3.    Understanding your motivation or lack of motivation.  Once you’ve gained an understanding of you, you’re in a position to become proactive into making necessary changes toward achieving your goal.

4.    Reading autobiographies of how successful people did it.

Step Number Four

By now you know exactly what you want; you can step into profound inner peace at will; have picked up great self-help and self-healing tools; eliminated limiting beliefs; and worked out your values.  Now it’s time to finally pinpoint exactly how you’re going to go about achieving your goal.

There will be many ways on how you’ll achieve your goal; however the time frame will vary greatly depending on what you need to acquire first.   Maybe you need:

1.    To acquire new skills such as sales, writing, technology, or marketing skills etc. for that new career you’ve always wanted to be part of.

2.    To seriously start networking yourself and your product.  Become known in your community.

3.    To gather a team of like minded individuals that will motivate and inspire you into achieving your goal, whatever it is.  Constant negative input can quickly extinguish dreams.

4.    Start an investment portfolio for your future if you’re after a secure financial future.

5.    Read as much as possible on whatever your goal is, it will give you a fundamental understanding of what it’s all about.

Step Number Five

This last but important step (they’re all important) is the calculation of when your outcome will finally eventuate.  If you’ve followed the previous steps adding Step Number Four into the equation, you’ll be able to determine the time you can celebrate in a really, huge way of finally reaching the pot at the end of your rainbow!

1.    Calculate the time it takes to complete your training courses or higher education.

2.    Investment portfolio goals as discussed with your investment adviser.

3.    Discuss with your business/personal development/ transformational coach how many sessions and ‘home-play’ will be required of you for you to achieve your goal.

4.    Factor in time it takes for people to get to know you if you’re selling a product or you are the product.  Speak with a marketing professional or someone ‘in the know’ first.

5.    It’s important to be realistic about timeframes.  Sometimes our greatest plans will go awry and will take much longer than expected (much like newly discovered actors and singers who have been plugging their trade for many years before hitting the big time!)

Sometimes, incidents will happen and be out of our control no matter what we do.  Like my computer taking with it all my electronic office equipment earlier in 2005 (one of the most frustrating experiences I’ve ever had).  To keep going required perseverance, patience and flexibility – it would have been so easy to give up!

Anyone can achieve goals through inner peace, perseverance, patience, flexibility and sometimes viewing situations from an entirely different angle.

Life has a way of revealing its secrets, and as cliché as this sounds, things really do happen for a reason. It’s easy to say when you’re not the one experiencing pain, right? Of course, but then again, we’ve all gone through some sort of hurt at one point or another. And as times passes, we do get over it and see the reasons behind it.

To start healing your life, you must first learn the value of forgiveness. This is a powerful thing because it helps us get past the barriers that hold us back. You never forget the things that have happened to you. The memory of it is ingrained deep within your heart. Forgiveness is not about forgetting as what some people might think. Forgiveness is simply an act of acceptance. Things happened to you, and these have emotionally scarred you. Acknowledge the pain and learn from it. If a person hurt you terribly and doesn’t even show any sign of remorse, know that it is not your job to change that person. Just accept the way he or she is, understand the situation, and walk away, if you have to. After all, you don’t have to be a martyr to become a better human being. What will set you apart will be your ability to move on and not look back.

Your heart is central to your healing. Though you think with your mind, your heart feels the pain. It is there when you’ll know if something is just too unbearable to face. Long for peace in your heart and in your soul. Work at it and surround yourself with love. It is your heart that allows you to live in this world, and it is also that which gives you access to a multitude of options for creating the life you truly want to live. It also helps to bless the people you encounter on your journey because they will be a reflection of the state you are in. They can act as a compass leading you to the thoughts and feelings you need to foster. They will help you as you rise beyond life’s ups and downs.

You have to first understand your feelings before anyone can. Ever met a person who left you confused no matter how you tried to comprehend their personality? These are the people who don’t understand themselves. You can approach life by believing in yourself with no explanation needed. Or you can be scientific and pragmatic, baffled over the things you are unable to explain. Know that healing only comes when there is the willingness to accept. With the gifts that life presents to you, you also must learn to accept the fact that everyone must work hard and overcome hurdles to know the true meaning of happiness.

Unfortunately, when we want to achieve greatness in this lifetime, we have to realize that we need to get out and step into the unknown. Prominence and success exist outside the comfort zone. Those who achieve do so because they put themselves on the line and were willing to take risks. They do things that most won’t necessarily dare to do.

Growing up, we were taught to always take the safe route for the sake of our health and sanity. Unfortunately, reality doesn’t operate that way. In fact, the real world is really as tough as how we imagined it to be. We were taught to believe that we could survive with just a good education to back us up. Going through school may open the doors of opportunities, but victory comes from something deeper.

Developing the habit of making ourselves adapt to whatever environment we’re placed in is one of the most important things that we can do to ensure our continuous development. We should not limit our comfort zones to only one place. In fact, we should be able to fit in and adapt wherever we are. We should be comfortable with change and resilient to discovery of new things.

Too many people just wish to surround themselves with only what they know for the sake of their own comfort. They try to keep surprises to a minimum and excuse their attitude by saying that they’re a creature of habit. They call themselves smart and rational because they hold themselves back, thinking that everything outside their comfortable circle poses danger. While they want to do more, the fact that they already know what to expect is more desirable.

Typically, it is fear of being ridiculed or looking bad that stops them. If they think that they cannot be successful, then they’d rather not try it. Their attitude is what paralyzes them. Fact is, doing things for the first time is always difficult for everybody. Practice makes perfect, and in time, our endeavors will pay back. Sadly, most people believe in the concept of sticking with what is tried and tested. As a result, they lead boring lives, lives devoid of sheer fun and adventure.

If we want more out of life, we need to bring out our adventurous side. Comfort zones don’t mean anything for risk takers because they know that reaching their goal trumps fear. Let us not live our lives in a box. Life always bestows its share of surprises, and rather than running away from them, which is nearly impossible to do, let us embrace our experiences and learn to see the bright side in these fateful shockers.

Emotional intelligence may be the greatest tool you can carry around. If you are highly mature about sensing feelings of others and adapting to people’s moods, you can assure yourself of success in practically every area in your life.

Have you ever noticed how some people become successful even if they don’t possess your traditional ideas of what intelligence is? It is because that person is emotionally stronger and more versatile. These are the people who are dynamic, the go-getters. If you are unsure whether emotions play a crucial role in your career, then imagine yourself being given the task to execute complicated yet highly rewarding projects. An assignment of this scope usually involves a lot of decision making. Your opportunity for growth now hinges on this one task, and making adept decisions calls for a calm and steady mind. Emotional flexibility helps you to adapt to these very demanding situations immediately. This is only when you’ll fully realize that emotional maturity and stability is that important!

In business, a high EQ improves performance. It can help you become more productive by improving your skills in decision making. You become a superior performer who people can highly count on. It’s being street smart, as some folks prefer to call it

Your emotional quotient, therefore, rests on your ability to understand others and relate effectively to them. When you’ll know how your actions can make an impact on others, it is easier to make a decision because you now know what not to do. You are able to build strong relationships, reduce stress, and motivate yourself and others to get the job done.

To increase your emotional intelligence (which this Colorado Springs counselor can help you with), you have to become aware of your feelings and of how others will react to them. You also need to learn how to empathize. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand the motives behind their actions. We know that our experiences shaped who we’ve become. And knowing that we have different experiences, we also value diversity. This is what makes each of us unique. Be grateful for these differences and celebrate your uniqueness as a person. When we become aware of how each of us was shaped, we become more understanding. Life, after all, is what we make of it.

To enjoy a good life, you have to be at peace with yourself and with the people that surround you. Stop finding faults. Instead, concentrate on how you can succeed despite these faults. And that is what emotional intelligence is all about!

Part of the problem might be that you are searching outside of yourself. Happiness is not found anywhere but within you. We all have the power to choose right here and now. The things happening in your life are immaterial because you choose how you are going to let these external factors affect you.

Sometimes we experience just how harsh reality can be. There are simply things that are way beyond our control, people who we just can’t change and circumstances that are just impossible to avoid. In times like these, we can choose peace. We can simply opt to forgive and experience an inner calm that gives us the strength to move on and continue. You can get help with this problem by speaking with a Colorado Springs counselor.

In order for us to be able to use our power to choose happiness over everything else, we need to know what happiness is and what it truly means. Happiness is relative. Because we all came from different backgrounds, we don’t share the same likes, dislikes, and pet peeves. In other words, only you can really define what happiness means to you, and only you.

A lot of people are guilty of constantly making happiness a future occurrence by preceding every sentence they say with an “if” and a “when.” These phrases trap happiness in the future. Joy can be attained immediately by anybody, no ifs and buts about it. To make this even more possible, you need to focus on those things that leave you with a powerful feeling of gratitude. This may be your greatest tool because when you begin to focus on what you are grateful for, you can’t help but feel hopeful and excited.

So take time everyday to sit and write about what you are most grateful for. If you become vigilant with this practice, you will notice more and more things to be grateful for. The fact that you are alive or that it’s a sunny day are the small things that you can smile about.

Happiness can be yours now. It is entirely up to you to make the choice to claim it. Just know your worth. Everyone deserves to be happy, no matter what kind of person they were in the past. The point is, you just have to be happy about life in general and stop comparing yourself to others. No one has everything, and there are surely things you have that others don’t. Life is just a big box of wonderful surprises. Though you may go through difficult days, there are still blessings waiting for everyone along the way. Give yourself a chance and start seeing the glass half full. What sets optimists apart from the pessimists is their ability to succeed by simply being thankful for what they have, no matter how small it is or how little it is worth.

Meditation is most commonly associated with monks, mystics and other spiritual disciplines.  However, you don’t have to be a monk or mystic to enjoy its benefits.  And you don’t even have to be in a special place to practice it.  You could even try it in your own living room! This Colorado Springs counselor tries to meditate every morning.

Although there are many different approaches to meditation, the fundamental principles remain the same.  The most important among these principles is that of removing obstructive, negative, and wandering thoughts and fantasies, and calming the mind with a deep sense of focus.  This clears the mind of debris and prepares it for a higher quality of activity.

The negative thoughts you have – those of noisy neighbors, bossy officemates, that parking ticket you got, and unwanted spam– are said to contribute to the ‘polluting’ of the mind, and shutting them out is allows for the ‘cleansing’ of the mind so that it may focus on deeper, more meaningful thoughts.

Some practitioners even shut out all sensory input – no sights, no sounds, and nothing to touch – and try to detach themselves from the commotion around them.  You may now focus on a deep, profound thought if this is your goal.  It may seem deafening at first, since we are all too accustomed to constantly hearing and seeing things, but as you continue this exercise you will find yourself becoming more aware of everything around you.

If you find the meditating positions you see on television threatening – those with impossibly arched backs, and painful-looking contortions – you need not worry.  The principle here is to be in a comfortable position conducive to concentration.  This may be while sitting cross-legged, standing, lying down, and even walking.

If the position allows you to relax and focus, then that would be a good starting point.  While sitting or standing, the back should be straight, but not tense or tight.  In other positions, the only no-no is slouching and falling asleep.

Loose, comfortable clothes help a lot in the process since tight fitting clothes have a tendency to choke you up and make you feel tense.

The place you perform meditation should have a soothing atmosphere.  It may be in your living room, or bedroom, or any place that you feel comfortable in.  You might want an exercise mat if you plan to take on the more challenging positions (if you feel more focused doing so, and if the contortionist in you is screaming for release).  You may want to have the place arranged so that it is soothing to your senses.

Silence helps most people relax and meditate, so you may want a quiet, isolated area far from the ringing of the phone or the humming of the washing machine.  Pleasing scents also help in that regard, so stocking up on aromatic candles isn’t such a bad idea either.

The monks you see on television making those monotonous sounds are actually performing their mantra.  This, in simple terms, is a short creed, a simple sound which, for these practitioners, holds a mystic value.

You do not need to perform such; however, it would pay to note that focusing on repeated actions such as breathing, and humming help the practitioner enter a higher state of consciousness.

The principle here is focus.  You could also try focusing on a certain object or thought, or even, while keeping your eyes open, focus on a single sight.

One sample routine would be to – while in a meditative state – silently name every part of your body and focusing your consciousness on that part. While doing this you should be aware of any tension on any part of your body.  Mentally visualize releasing this tension.  It works wonders.

In all, meditation is a relatively risk-free practice and its benefits are well worth the effort (or non-effort – remember we’re relaxing).

Studies have shown that meditation does bring about beneficial physiologic effects to the body.  And there has been a growing consensus in the medical community to further study the effects of such.  So in the near future, who knows, that mystical, esoteric thing we call meditation might become a science itself!

The New Strategy

Troops are no longer seeking to penetrate areas where the Taliban hides and plans, striking down each and every member of its force.  Instead, soldiers are striving to gain the trust of Afghan citizens in an effort to get them involved in their own protection.  Knowing how to protect themselves and to drive the enemy out of their region is important in helping them regain their independence.

President Obama’s Role

President Obama understands that destroying al-Qaida will probably never happen but protecting Afghan society against future threats is the key to taking back the country.  Pressured by military recommendations, opponents and allies in the political arena and allied nations that have promised to send their own troops, Obama knows that there is only one way to win and that is to break the culture of corruption in the country

Our Allies and their Thoughts

Recently, Obama met with India’s Prime Minister in an effort to perceive what future actions India felt necessary to fight the war against terror.  Indian PM Manmohan Singh made his thoughts very clear in expressing that a failure to secure Afghanistan would be a devastating blow to the international community.  Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister of the UK also believes that further action in Afghanistan is vital.

The Taliban’s Strength

The Taliban only has 20,000 to 35,000 active fighters in Afghanistan but the group has been improving their tactics over the past eight years in order to gain control, not only in the southern part of the country, but now in the west and north.  The American strategy to think and move faster than the enemy by preventing attacks against civilians appears to be working but is it soon enough or strong enough?

What will Obama Do?

Are the options of sending more troops to help turn around each area of Afghanistan, holding to the status quo or to start bringing troops home really the only choices?  There are many who feel that eight years is long enough to try to win a war and that Afghanistan should now be left to its own devices.  Others want to just keep doing what we have been doing, standing guard.  But whether anyone wants to admit the truth or not, no one wants the Taliban to gain strength and continue to dominate other areas.

Obama will send in more troops because it is the only politically expedient option.  The only question is whether it is too little and too late. This writer, a Colorado Springs counselor, is skeptical that we will find more than a muddle-through strategy. No good strategies probably mean more lost lives for little purpose.